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Warning This Blog May Be Offensive

Brian Wolfe

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The content of this blog may be offensive to some readers and should probably not be viewed by readership under the age of 14.  Content may include nudity, coarse language and/or violence (though probably not). Reader discretion is strongly advised.

 

After what could be easily described as a Dickensian childhood I am not what you would term as a warm-hearted individual.  The fact that I have never watched the movie “A Christmas Carol” past the first half point, I did like the whole ghost segment, is not to say I am completely lacking in compassion.  As an example, living in Canada, we get a good deal of snow and the municipal sidewalks require by law to be cleared by the abutting property’s owner.  My section of municipal sidewalk is 180 feet in length.  I don’t know what that is in metric measure because, first I remove the snow in the imperial system of measurement and secondly if you want it in metric you can come over and remove the snow and measure it anyway you want. My neighbour next door has a heart condition so I remove an additional 100 feet of snow from his sidewalk.  Once this is completed I remove the snow from my driveway and the sidewalks surrounding our home.  This year the neighbour on the other side of the street just experience a heart attack so I decided I would also remove he snow at his place for the winter to allow him time to recover.  I do these tasks with a snow blower machine; the largest, most powerful machine I could find.  The neighbours have nicknamed it “The Beast”; or at least I think they are talking about the snow blower.  The first time I removed my neighbour’s snow, which was unannounced, his wife hugged me....now understand that I do not like to be touched.  If I knew doing a good turn would result in a hug I would probably have avoided the act in the first place.  Today I received a large plate of cookies.  Now we’re talking.  I speak fluent “cookie”.  I said to my dear wife. Linda, “Wouldn’t it be funny if there were peanuts in the cookies and by thanking me she killed me (I have a peanut allergy).  Linda didn’t think that was funny at all.  So I am not a warm individual and also have a sick sense of humour.  This brings me to my point.  Anyone who has ever read my blogs knows by now it takes a while to get around to the actual point; if indeed there even is one.

 

While attending the shopping mall to pay homage to the patron saint of retail sales, Santa Clause, by throwing good money (I mean “investing”) in cheaply made gaudy toys for the grandchildren an interesting thing happened.  An older sales representative wished a younger woman a “Merry Christmas”.  To this the young woman replied, “That’s Season’s Greetings” not “Merry Christmas”; “Merry Christmas” might insult some people.  Well, I though, that’s interesting.  You mean that is all it takes to insult some people?  All this time I have worked so hard to annoy others and this is all it took.  Well you can imagine just how frustrated I was after expending all of that effort over all those years.  Here’s my way of looking at it.  Don’t care?  Too bad, you should have known better than to have read this far; don’t blame me for your short comings.  Not my circus, not my monkeys.

 

If I were to wish someone “Season’s Greetings” then to my compulsive obsessive mind I would be wishing them good wishes throughout the whole season.  What, two or three weeks? By wishing them a “Merry Christmas” I am only extending those wishes over a 24 hour period.  I might not really know this person and if I actually took the time to do so I would most likely find some reason to dislike them.  Merry Christmas (the 24 hour greeting limit) is both efficient and time specific; not all wishy washy, warm and fuzzy like the imprecise “Season’s Greeting” which has the potential to go on and on forever.  If I don’t really know you then be satisfied with a “Merry Christmas”, be happy with that and don’t push your luck.

 

As to the membership of the GMIC, over the years I have gotten to know many of you and even those I have yet to meet seem to be a pretty good lot.  So I am wishing you all both a “Season’s Greetings’ AND a “Merry Christmas”.  Well, except for “you-know-who” he just gets a “Merry Christmas”.

 

Regards

Brian

 

 

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24 Comments


Hey Brian,

I liked the reading, made me feel; "not that much on my own"! 

Because I recognized myself a few times in your story.

cheers

and best Season Greetings, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

;-)

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MERRY CHRISTMASS! 

Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn king"
Peace on earth, and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled
Joyful all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With angelic host proclaim
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn king"

Edited by Egorka

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Someone  can  always  say  something  that may  be "offensive" to  someone  else.  That`s how it is.The  world has gone mad.

I am  not much  for  Christmas. After  30  years of  watching people beat  each other senseless  over  the  "season of  goodwill"  it  means  little anymore. It  has just  added  to  my  current status of being  a  recluse:D

But here goes  to  those who  wish  not to  be offended, "Merry Christmas" And  for those  it might offend,  please go  and  telephone someone who  might  care because after  all  it is  a western  tradition  and I  seem  to  have  everyone  else's  traditions and  customs  jabbed  down  my throat  at  every opportunity without  thought  for the offense it might  cause me.

Best  wishes  to  all  for  2017

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The problem with Christmas these days it  seems to start soon after August Bank Holiday. Children are bombarded with advertisements for extremely expensive toys which of course they all want to have. As a child circa 1960 Christmas did not really get underway till School broke up around a week before, then it was the Sunday School Christmas Party, a visit to Santa's Grotto at the local department store, where my mother paid over the odds for me to receive a very second rate "Empire Made" plastic toy. About 3-4 days before my Father would put up the Christmas tree. Christmas Eve it really kicked off dad finished work at 12:30pm (he was allowed a half day on Christmas Eve). The afternoon was the Crib and Carol Service at the local church while my mother was working like a slave to prepare the food for the next day. The night was always spent with me trying to stay awake to see Santa but I always dropped off before he came and then presents, Christmas dinner and my Parents falling asleep during the Queen's speech. I always associate Christmas with the smell of (cheap) cigars which was always my present for dad. The  first  working day after Boxing Day dad went to work and by 12th night the Christmas tree was positively verminous and that and all decorations were removed.

Christmas really was something as it did not last half the year and the money spent was not so immoral as to leave many families in debt.

I hope all your Christmas days are enjoyable and pass without too much stress (or fights).

Paul

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Incredible as it might seem to some liberals, other religions aren't offended by Christians celebrating Christmas.  I saw a posting where a Sikh had a large sign wishing us a Merry Christmas.

My wife retired recently after teaching several years up in Brampton, which is heavily East Indian.  Her school was the only publicly-funded girl's school in either the public or the Catholic Board, and so had a very large number of Sikhs, Hindus and Muslims.  After she did "A Man for All Seasons" - St. Thomas More - with her English class, one Sikh girl reported that she had attended her temple and told them the story, as someone who had put his faith first, although it cost him his life.  A Muslim girl chewed out the chaplain for having other books above the Bible on his shelf - "That's your holy book - nothing should be higher than it!'  All of these girls respected the Catholic religion, and appreciated it, while never losing their own faith.

It is well-meaning, but misguided. persons who worry about "offensive" - and others who are offended by anyone having a religion. My two cents' worth.

Oh, and Brian - Merry Christmas!

Michael (who isn't ashamed of being a European Christian)

Edited by Michael Johnson

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At my firm we frequently get Christmas cards from Muslim and Jewish clients (the one Sikh client I have insists on getting me blind drunk close to Christmas).

Paul

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You're woried that a pagan festival taken over by the Christians, celebrated by putting up a Greman tree and telling kids that a Turkish bishop with a Dutch name who lives in the Arctic is bringing them made in Japan toys in a magic sleigh pulled by Lappish reindeer is being spolied by 'foreign influences'?  Hmm.  

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Eid Mubarakh and Happy Kwanza.  And peace on Earth to all of good will.

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1 hour ago, peter monahan said:

You're woried that a pagan festival taken over by the Christians, celebrated by putting up a Greman tree and telling kids that a Turkish bishop with a Dutch name who lives in the Arctic is bringing them made in Japan toys in a magic sleigh pulled by Lappish reindeer is being spolied by 'foreign influences'?  Hmm.  

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Eid Mubarakh and Happy Kwanza.  And peace on Earth to all of good will.

Hmmm indeed.  Sounds about correct though. LOL  I will have to bow to your knowledge of who might live in the Artic as you reside much closer to the North Pole. 

Regards from the sunny tropicical south (New Hamburg for those who don't know).

Brian

 

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3 hours ago, peter monahan said:

You're woried that a pagan festival taken over by the Christians, celebrated by putting up a Greman tree and telling kids that a Turkish bishop with a Dutch name who lives in the Arctic is bringing them made in Japan toys in a magic sleigh pulled by Lappish reindeer is being spolied by 'foreign influences'?  Hmm.  

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Eid Mubarakh and Happy Kwanza.  And peace on Earth to all of good will.

Don't forget that the fat guy with the beard wearing a red suit was (reputedly) drawn by a Swede, probably thinking of the wee gnomes with red caps who tended to the farmsteads of Sweden! Cursed be the farmer who forgot to give the gnome a plate of rice porridge - bad things would happen to his farm and his animals... By the way, what's the origin of the rice porridge?

/Jonas

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5 hours ago, peter monahan said:

You're woried that a pagan festival taken over by the Christians, celebrated by putting up a Greman tree and telling kids that a Turkish bishop with a Dutch name who lives in the Arctic is bringing them made in Japan toys in a magic sleigh pulled by Lappish reindeer is being spolied by 'foreign influences'?  Hmm.  

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Eid Mubarakh and Happy Kwanza.  And peace on Earth to all of good will.

Hmmm indeed.  Sounds about correct though. LOL  I will have to bow to your knowledge of who might live in the Artic as you reside much closer to the North Pole. 

Regards from the sunny tropicical south (New Hamburg for those who don't know).

Brian

I'm glad you asked that my northern friend.  According to my gnomes here in the Home Office that would be China.  The gnomes seem to know everything; too bad I may have to lay them off as there is talk of unionizing.  }:[

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Remember also that the red suit worn by Santa Claus was invented by Coca Cola - previously he had always been shown in green!

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Me, being a man who travelled around the world back in the day, has actually been to The Man's office! It is reputed to be just south of the Arctic Circle and a tad bit north of Rovaniemi in Finland. Being clever, I visited Santa's place in the summer, avoiding that nasty white stuff covering the whole of Scandinavia at times (and Canada too, you're not forgotten!)...

/Jonas

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Best time to visit the North is in summer.  In our polar regions they expect summer will be either the Tuesday or Wednesday of the third week of July in 2017.  Good luck!

 

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Remember that you do not GIVE offence - someone else CHOOSES to take it. Their problem.

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On 2016-12-27 at 06:04, Megan said:

Remember that you do not GIVE offence - someone else CHOOSES to take it. Their problem.

Oh, I have given offence in times past, "wigs on the green" and all that.

However, I do agree with you for the most part. Have a happy New Year, Megan.

Regards

Brian

 

 

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I try to celebrate Christmas every day of the year in thought and deed.....

This year I had over 6000 children of all ages and religions come and sit on my knee and tell me their wishes not only for presents but for many many other things......

I have been doing this every year for the past 28......

75 % of the events are done for charity or just for the fun of it, payment to be a donation to the Food Bank or the Salvation Army......

Mike

 

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Possibly my greatest regret at being female is that I cannot play Santa! You, Mike, make an excellent one :)

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Hi Megan......

Always looking for a Mrs. Claus......

Mike

Edited by QSAMIKE

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I'm offended....I'm going back to "the best scotch" posting" for at least two hours!!!

 

:D

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I knew that sooner or later my blogs would drive some of the members to drink.

If this offended you wait until my Easter blog where I take a shot at the Easter Bunny.  My theory is that he or she is pure myth.

So be vewy vewy quite; I'm hunting the Easter Wabbit.

Regards

Brian

 

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Hello Brian.

Should he or she shoot back at the pictured shooter he will end up with a whole bunch of rock fragments in his precious body ( the steel pot/battle bowler notwithstanding ). The spare magazines appear to be tottering already.

Please take this from a former service man as constructive criticism who has only your very best interest in mind though rooting for the one less powerfully armed.

This writers experience is with the French automatic rifle ( FM 24/29 ) very similar to the Bren.

Bernhard H. Holst

PS: not likely to be driven to drink but enjoying your writing as always. B.H.H.img324.jpg

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HI Bernhard,

I was so tempted to say "boulder dash" but even I would stoop to a pun as low as that.  Oh, I guess I just did.:rolleyes:

Thank you for your comment and I am reminded of something I read where the South Africian troops would often fire their FN rifles just in front of a prone enemy thereby sending shards of rock into their faces. 

Regards

Brian

 

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