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A Christmas Carol

Brian Wolfe



A Christmas Carol

Well, here we are almost Christmas and I still haven’t gotten out to purchase any gifts and to be honest it may not happen this year at all. Ok, you’re probably thinking that my wife is correct in calling me “her cold hearted bastard”. But wait, don’t light the torches, gather up the pitchforks and lead the pheasants on a march to the castle quite yet. Yes, I know I said pheasants; it was just my way of messing with the images of a Frankenstein movie dancing in your heads. I have been making use of the internet and ordering gifts this year.

Even though I must admit that I like the Mr. Scrooge of the first half of the movie better than the reformed miser of later on. Don’t even get me started on the earlier Mr. Grinch. Both had a greater depth of character at the start of the movies. You might think that I could use a visitation by those three ghosts on Christmas Eve. However, given their unwelcomed and abrupt appearance in the middle of the night they would most likely have the “Dickens” beaten out of them before any good would come of their visit.

Now dear reader, I am sure you are thinking that I have forgotten the collection and the Home Office in my attempts to remain rational during this maudlin, “Most Wonderful Time of the Year”. But take heart my friends as I have mixed in a few purchases for both of these areas along with the gifts for friends and family. The musket collection is getting new custom made slings that will need to be whitened as they are unfinished. All of the Christmas orders are finished in the shop and now I am building a display cabinet/desk for the Home Office.

Speaking of gifts and family; over the years my family has been very understanding of my manias, mostly regarding my collecting. To be clear that incident involving the catapult and the neighbour’s cat last year was a one off. In my own defence, if you are meant to launch rocks from one of these things wouldn’t you think they would be called a “rockapolt”? Really, it was an understandable misunderstanding.

A couple of years ago one of my daughters gave me a 1914 EK II as a gift which was a real surprise. This year my dear wife has charged me with the task of purchasing a gift for myself at the next gun show, which is being held tomorrow. We all know how much I hate buying something for the collection at one of the gun shows I attend. I’ll be honest; I couldn’t even type this last sentence with a straight face! Being a dutiful husband I shall acquiesce to my wife’s wishes and force myself to find a suitable gift. Sometimes you just have to be strong and tough it out.

The weather report for this evening has snow in the forecast so I anticipate that after a long, sleepless and “silent night” the snow will “lay all about, deep and crisp and even”. No fears there as my friend Brian, who attends these local gun shows with me, is driving and he has a monster 4X4 truck so even if “the weather outside is frightful” nothing short of a blizzard will keep us from our destination.

Now that I shamelessly used other people’s lines and lyrics I will close with these two thoughts.

This Holiday Season please don’t drink and drive, however, if you are going to drink and drive please leave my name and contact information with your loved ones. I will be happy to give them a generous twenty-five cents on the dollar for your collection. The spirit of Scrooge is smiling down on me at this moment, I can feel it in my heart.

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night”.


PS: there is a prize for those who find all of the Christmas lines and lyrics in this blog. The prize; I won’t do this again next year. Ho ho ho.



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"Attention. Attention, citizens. Terrible news. There is still no sign of Santa Claus. Although the imposter has been shut down. It looks like Christmas will have to be cancelled this year. I repeat: The imposter has been shot down, but there is still no sign of the real Santa Claus..."

PS: Well done, Old Man. Well done. Now about that roast pheasant...

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Brian - very humerous - however ,I choose that believe that every word is true ! I know that you spelt it this way deliberately - however, I shall

wake screaming in the night thinking of you marching on the castle in

company with a flock of pheasants ............

Now peasants - bows, arrows and shotguns were invented for their benefit.

I wish you every luck at the gun fair - and in your assault on the castle -

more likely the Town Hall in Canada. Mervyn

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This was fun to read!! Thanks Brian!!

I'm getting bills for Christmas, so you are doing better than me!!

(I however win for quantity of items...... )

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Thanks for your comments everyone.

The gun show resulted in a good deal of conversation with fellow gun nuts but no collectables for me this time around.

It's like fishing, sometimes the fish bite and other times its just the mosquitoes.



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