Pre warned is pre armed......

[bigjarofwasps]

I saw this an a US Army website........

TO PREPARE FOR DEPLOYMENT TO IRAQ, AFGHANISTAN, OR MIDDLE EAST LOCALES:

Sleep on a cot in the garage.

Replace the garage door with a curtain.

Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife or girlfriend whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, "Sorry, wrong cot."

Renovate your bathroom. Hang a green plastic sheet down from the middle of your bathtub and move the showerhead down to chest level. Keep four inches of soapy cold water on the floor. Stop cleaning the toilet and pee everywhere but in the toilet itself. Leave two to three sheets of toilet paper. Take a 3 block walk before using the bathroom.

When you take showers, wear flip-flops and keep the lights off.

Every time there is a thunderstorm, go sit in a wobbly rocking chair and dump dirt on your head.

Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it on "HIGH" for that tactical generator smell.

Don't watch TV except for movies in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one.

Leave a lawnmower running in your living room 24 hours a day for proper noise level.

Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

Once a week, blow compressed air up through your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot across and on to your neighbor's house. Laugh at him when he curses you.

Buy a trash compactor and only use it once a week. Store up garbage in the other side of your bathtub.

Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a saltine cracker.

Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator. Then serve some kind of meat in an unidentifiable sauce poured over noodles. Do this every meal.

Once a month, take every major appliance completely apart and put it back together again.

Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for five or six hours before drinking.

Invite at least 185 people you don't really like to come and visit for a couple of months.

Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

Keep a roll of toilet paper on your nightstand and bring it to the bathroom with you. And bring your gun and flashlight.

Go to the bathroom when you just have to pass gas, "just in case."

Announce to your family that they have mail, have them report to you as you stand outside your open garage door after supper and then say, "Sorry, it's for the other Smith."

Wash only 15 items of laundry per week.

Go to the worst crime-infested place you can find, heavily armed, wearing a flak jacket and a Kevlar helmet. Set up a tent in a vacant lot. Announce to the residents that you are there to help them.

Eat a single M&M every Sunday and pretend it's for Malaria.

Demand each family member be limited to 10 minutes per week for a morale phone call. Enforce this with your teenage daughter.

Shoot a few bullet holes in the walls of your home for proper ambiance.

Sandbag the floor of your car to protect from mine blasts and fragmentation.

While traveling down roads in your car, stop at each overpass and culvert and inspect them for remotely detonated explosives before proceeding.

Fire off 50 cherry bombs simultaneously in your driveway at 3:00 a.m.

Drink warm milk and warm sodas. If you live in the Midwest, drink warm milk and warm pop.

Spread gravel throughout your yard.

Make your family dig a survivability position with overhead cover in the backyard. Complain that the 4x4s are not 8 inches on center and make them rebuild it.

Wait for the coldest day of the year and announce to your family that there will be no heat that day so you can perform much needed maintenance.

Wait for the hottest day of the year and announce to your family that there will be no air conditioning that day so you can perform much needed maintenance.

[Pylon1357]

Thats pricless. Thanks for sharing this one.

[Ralph A]

Cute. A re-hash of an old Bill Mauldin bit from WW2.

[Kev in Deva]

Sounds like a normal day in my house

Kevin in Deva

[bigjarofwasps]

Another thing.........

Cut a hole in the roof of your car, big enough for two guys to fit in, attach an industrial hot air blower at face height, but it on max. This will give you an idea what conducting top cover in summer is like.