Today my Provincial Government has issued the list of essential services that will remain open with all those not on the list ordered closed “until further notice”. Contacts in the Regional Police Service (friends who still don’t have real jobs) have told me they are gearing up for a spike in the number of domestic disturbance calls due to the government policy of Social Distancing and Quarantining of those infected with COVID 19. It is somehow a little disturbing that two of the essential services that will remain open are the Beer and Liquor Stores. Domestic violence with the addition of alcohol seems an equation that just doesn’t add up; but then what do I know.

Obviously I don’t always agree with my government but they are still my government and compliance (so far) is the only option open to a fellow like me. To that end my wife and I had decided to practise Social Distancing, though my dear wife, Linda, has suggested that knowing how I am a stickler when it comes to the law that I should move into the shop “until further notice”. I hope she was joking. Regardless I also decided to keep a personal journal of how this Social Distancing was going to affect me, here it is below.

Day one 06:30 hours (6:30 in the morning for normal humans; those with real jobs):

Today is “Garbage Day” the day where our garbage is picked up at the curb. Not wanting to wait until first light I decided to place the garbage at the curb in darkness so as not to be seen by others (a.k.a. “them”) who might want to socialize. Avoiding opening the garage door and triggering the automatic interior lights which might attract “them” I went through the adjoining shop. Cautiously opening the door and only exposing my head far enough to detect any potential socialisers I quickly looked both ways up and down the street. Seeing none I decided it was safe to take a second look, a slower and more complete surveillance of the neighbourhood. Again seeing none I, as quickly as possible, taking all of the garbage I could in one trip advanced to behind my truck which was parked just outside of the shop. Then as I decided the coast was clear I heard a noise and froze in place fearing to move a muscle least I give my position away. Could I have imagined it, was there a noise and if so was it from one of “them” walking their dog this early in the morning? Or, could I have stepped on a twig or scuffed the bottom of my boot on the driveway pavement. There it was again! I dropped the garbage and bolted for the shop door, slamming it shut behind me. Looking through one window then another, the blinds bent upward and downwards to allow just enough to see, I checked for danger. Nothing, no one; all was clear and safe. As quickly as possible I dashed out, grabbed the garbage, ripping one bag open as I ran, leaving a trail of trash behind me like the debris trail of the Titanic. Depositing the bags at the curb I sprinted back to the shop and safety. Now I was worried that I had alerted the neighbours, those socialisers, of our existence. I had waking nightmares that they would surround our home moaning and muttering, “Hi neighbour” or “Hello how ya doin” over and over in an attempt to break down my will to become “one of them, one of them”.

After this scare passed I decided to check my i-Pad for the updates on the virus, more disturbing news. “Ok”, I told myself, check back in a little while and the screen will have changed revealing new information. I did so but the screen remained the same, again a while later and still no change. I threw the i-pad onto the couch with disgust as the news reports obviously were not coming in. What the Hell was going on?

Later I noticed I was developing the “Repetitive Action Syndrome” doing the same movements over and over like the caged animal I was becoming. Then perhaps the most horrible syndrome I have ever experienced swept over me. This uncontrollable urge to leave the house and purchase as much toilet paper as possible (bathroom tissue to you more refined folks), but I don’t have time for niceties, I was in panic mode. Must have toilet paper, lots and lots of toilet paper. Oh my God, from what I have read this could be the first sign that was actually coming down with COVID 19. I was going out of my mind, trapped like a rat in my own home, possibly surrounded by socialisers trying to infect me. I had this overwhelming sense of impending doom or danger, a fear of loss of control and possible death, a rapid pounding heart rate, profuse sweating. I was trembling, shaking actually; I had shortness of breath and tightness in my throat, chills and hot flashes. We’re doomed I tell you DOOMED!

Day one 07:00 hours

Linda called me for breakfast and coffee. Things are much better now.

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Seriously, my friends, this COVID 19 is no laughing matter. It kills, not everyone but make no doubt about it, as they say on television’s Forged In Fire, “It will keel”. Think about a pair of tigers loose in your neighbourhood. Some will die some won’t. Ignoring this virus is like going out against the advice of smarter people after rubbing yourself down with pork chops chanting, “Here kitty, here kitty”. Don’t be that guy.

Stay well and take care, we can’t afford to lose a single member: not even the “pork chop guy”.

Regards

Brian